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| Maintaining a Relationship |
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| Written by Sandy Long |
| Sunday, 31 May 2009 07:04 |
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Maintaining a Relationship Copyright Sandy Long
A driver friend died in May. I only mention it because he and his wife taught me how to maintain a relationship. “Bill” and “Fran” were married for forty years, most of those years Bill was a trucker, the last few years driving for the same company as I do. Fran would come out on the truck with him once in awhile and that is where I met her. When Bill had to leave the company a couple of years ago for health reasons, I gave him a ride to his home in WV. The trip provided lots of time to talk. When I asked him how he and Fran had made it for forty years, this is what he told me. “Fran and I almost broke up a couple of times in the early years, times were not easy back then for us, but we were both divorced kids and we made the conscious decision to not put our kids through that and to make our marriage work. That is the first thing you have to do…decide to make it work.” “We were lucky and found an old, wise minister too, that gave us some good advice. He told us, “Talk about everything no matter how small or mundane, take up some time with each other when you can, if there is a problem talk it out right away even if it takes all day, and never go to bed angry at each other, if you do, when you wake up, the fight will still be on”. Fran and I took his advice and put it to work. We have happy productive kids and grandkids and we love each other as much now as we did when we first met” Trucking and other traveling occupations are hard on relationships, no telling what the divorce/break up rate is for our away from home work professions but it must be high considering all the people I talk to that have been married several times. We are gone from home for days on end, we come home stressed and tired, and we just want to kick back and forget about trucks and the job for awhile. On the other hand, our significant others have been home alone or with the kids, perhaps working an outside job too, with all the responsibilities for the house on their shoulders. Many times when we come home, our significant others want to go out to eat, or take a road trip when all we want to do is get some good home cookin’, relax in our easy chair and nap…having control of the remote is nice too, but that isn’t really fair to our partners. Here are some ideas you might try to make your home time easier for you and your family. Explain to your partner and kids that the first night is yours to kick back and just relax then you will spend time with them more actively. Take care of your around the house chores early the second day then take your family our to do something fun. Include your kids in doing the chores…it gives them some quality time with you. Find things that you and your spouse like to do and then do them together. Send/bring flowers home or send a card. Hire a baby sitter if you have kids and have a ‘date’ with your partner. If you cannot stand the thought of eating out, then cook yourself, call in take out or bring supper home with you for at least one night so your partner doesn’t have to cook. Set some time aside when home to just sit and talk to your partner about anything that is going on with them or the household. Remember to compliment your partner on their new hair cut, how nice the house looks or how they look in general. Call home every day for at least a few minutes. Remember birthdays and anniversaries. Arrange a vacation or road trip when you are going to be off for several days. Don’t expect your partner and/or kids to be your servants when you are home. Maintaining a relationship is hard work, but worth it in having a happy partner or spouse when you get home. It is much better to be greeted with open arms and a big grin rather than dismay. You have to remember the golden rule for the most part “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, if you do, you too may make it as long as Bill and Fran did and be as happy together as they were. ? ? ? ? ? |